What If My Joy Doesn’t Last? When Happiness Feels Like a Warning Sign
We don’t talk enough about a specific fear that comes with depression, one that in my case made it hard to actually stay past an episode, not just get past one.
I remember having moments where I’d be enjoying myself with friends and family, and I’d hear a voice in my head say, “Are you sure you’re actually happy right now? What if this isn’t real? What are you going to do when it doesn’t last?” And as these thoughts would occur, I’d sink. My chest would grow heavy, panic setting in. What if all of my hard work was for nothing and I’m still depressed?
High-Functioning Depression: Doing Everything Right, And Still Hurting
You’re doing everything right, and you’re still depressed. You show up for work, pay your bills, make time for friends and family. On the outside, you’re everything a person is supposed to be—stable, responsible, put-together. But internally, you’re screaming into a void. There’s a heaviness that sits in your chest, and a voice that tells you you’re not good enough, not worthy, not safe inside your own mind.